Tug On Time
During the early months after Erika’s death, we sought counseling for help in dealing with our grief. We needed help in sorting through our thoughts, feelings and emotions. In one session, our counselor told us about the manner in which people in other cultures grieve the loss of a loved one. The grief is extremely intense for a certain period of time. For some, it’s one week. For others it’s one month, and perhaps a full year for others still. They wear black and allow themselves to sink into the depths of despair. Then, after their allotted time of grieving has passed, they are done; they move on with their lives. Rich and I adopted this philosophy to a certain extent; however, we knew we would need more time than one year. So, after 3 years of intense grief, I feel it is time to think about living again.
As we pass the halfway mark of summer, I recognize a transition taking place within. For three years, we have asked God to take us to the depths of grief; to take us to the valley of brokenness. During that time, I focused much of my energy on my most intimate relationships, those being my relationship with God, my husband and my children. I had little energy or motivation for much else. My heart and mind were heavy with grief and trying desperately to focus on the new perspective of life God was revealing to me.
As I continue to transition into this “new normal”, I feel more ambition for life returning. It’s as if God has removed the heavy garment of grief I wore on my shoulders for three years. Now, I must daily decide how to spend my time in this “new normal”. The tug on my time sometimes tempts me to entertain things I once enjoyed. But then I recognize the threat of unfulfillment, pull back my focus, and ask God to guide me. Every day the temptations come by TV, mail, movies, school, church, from our society in general; the temptation of spending my time and money carelessly, giving way to worldly pleasures, and not using my time more intentionally. These things prick my soul and cause me to reexamine where I’ve been and how that has changed me forever.
We have some good friends who have recently returned for a visit to Senegal, Africa. They were missionaries there for seven years. Upon their return visit to this dark continent, they shared in the lives of the Senegalnese people. They were reminded of the harsh environment these people live in and the urgency of sharing the gospel. The demands of life steal longevity from the African population. A few of their African friends from two years ago were no longer living. It is a harsh reality that our days are numbered and our purpose here needs to be intentional. Don’t let yourself be distracted by worldly pleasures and pressures; resist the tug on your time, and keep focused on what God has created you to be and do.
